I also wanted to share something that has been on my heart for a few weeks. It is very personal and honest but I think we need to be more honest. I think too often we try to let the world see this image of the perfect Christian under control and everything is together and awesome and great. That isn’t always the case. As a matter of fact, I am a little frustrated with God.
There I said it! I am angry and upset. I am cringing as I type this because there is that fire and brimstone mentality that I will get struck by lightening. But it’s not the case-eek at least I hope not.
Without saying too much on the internet, I just am going through an experience that looks, tastes and feels a lot like something I have been through before. I thought all the pieces were in place for God to bless me. It’s funny to type that but I’m being honest here. So in my human mind, I had all the “godly pieces” in place. I did all the right things and this time I thought it would be different, amazing, perhaps heavenly even.
But instead even though the outcome isn’t like last time, the feelings are very similar. Fear, sadness, insecurity, anger, frustration. And when I try to label the “who” and “why” of my frustration, the finger points back at God! Can I be mad at God? Can I be upset with my creator like that?
Well I decided to go back to an old friend. It’s a book I have had since my junior year in college. It really is one of my favorite books. It’s called Lover of My Soul by Alan D. Wright. The chapter I decided to read was entitled “Pursued.” You can order it here: http://www.amazon.com/Lover-My-Soul-Delighting-Passionate/dp/157673269X"
The chapter begins to talk about how no matter what we can never get away from God’s love. It tells the story of Jonah. God told him to go to Nineveh and instead he went the complete opposite way. God pursued him in the form of a scary storm. The sailors were fearful and scared, finally Jonah confessed it was his fault because he disobeyed God and he told the sailors to throw him overboard.
God pursued Jonah yet again and sent a big fish aka “whale” to swallow him up. In the book the author talks about how he told the story to his son and said-okay now a big whale will come and eat Jonah up! The little boy stopped and said matter of fact, “No, Daddy the whale doesn’t eat Jonah he saves Jonah!”
What an a-ha moment that was for me in college and even now! God loves me so much that he continues to chase and pursue me to get my attention that even what I think is a horrible scary whale coming to swallow me up maybe it is just what I need to save me.
I can’t see it that way now. I don’t get it just yet but I am paying attention. And I think its okay to say I’m angry right now and still confused but I’m all ears God for what you have in store!
I think the best part is the way God gets Jonah out of the whale is by having the whale throw him up onto the sand. Check out verse 10 below. Again not something that sounds very nice but God has a funny way of making things work out for the best.
Jonah 2
Jonah's Prayer
1 From inside the fish Jonah prayed to the LORD his God. 2 He said:
"In my distress I called to the LORD,
and he answered me.
From the depths of the grave [a] I called for help,
and you listened to my cry.
3 You hurled me into the deep,
into the very heart of the seas,
and the currents swirled about me;
all your waves and breakers
swept over me.
4 I said, 'I have been banished
from your sight;
yet I will look again
toward your holy temple.'
5 The engulfing waters threatened me, [b]
the deep surrounded me;
seaweed was wrapped around my head.
6 To the roots of the mountains I sank down;
the earth beneath barred me in forever.
But you brought my life up from the pit,
O LORD my God.
7 "When my life was ebbing away,
I remembered you, LORD,
and my prayer rose to you,
to your holy temple.
8 "Those who cling to worthless idols
forfeit the grace that could be theirs.
9 But I, with a song of thanksgiving,
will sacrifice to you.
What I have vowed I will make good.
Salvation comes from the LORD."
10 And the LORD commanded the fish, and it vomited Jonah onto dry land.
